I was not what you would call friends with this guy. He was the year above me at school.. and haven't seen him for 15 years. But I do remember him. Piecing it all together via facebook and mutual friends and managing to view his public profile.. I do indeed remember him.
Not only do I discover that he died on the 28th April - but I can surmise that he took his own life.
I am left with this sickening feeling in my gut. Tears that will not subside. And this for a 32 year old boy that I really did not know.
His facebook wall is adorned with pictures. Condolences. Fond memories. Happy smiles. Upbeat status updates. Photo albums. Adored relationships with friends. It is strange to see all these postings on his wall, when he is no longer on this earth. He will never read them. He will never know what he has left behind. Everyone is shocked and saddened by his passing, commenting that he was always there for them and brought light and life to the world. It appears noone had the slightest clue he was suffering from any sort of anguish. Stranger still is the "Add as Friend" button. For some reason, I can not take my eyes off it, nor can I close down his profile page. My heart is crying.
As someone who has lived with some form of depression and anxiety for almost 20 years, I can tell you... You are not alone. Please always reach out. Call someone. Anyone. You are never alone. Never ever think that you're alone. There is always someone there willing to listen. Willing to hold your hand. My god call/write/email/msg me - even if you don't know me.
If in need - head to Beyond Blue: www.beyondblue.org.au
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