I'm in a...

... bad way.

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FREEDOM

My sister CJ Meehan compiled and created this work of art.

I should warn the viewer, they show graphic and disturbing images. But they are images we should not turn away from.

Now is as good a time as any to: WAKE UP.

(simple, right?).

PART ONE



PART TWO

Assistance Required.

You're never alone!

This morning, I discovered a boy from school died.

I was not what you would call friends with this guy. He was the year above me at school.. and haven't seen him for 15 years. But I do remember him. Piecing it all together via facebook and mutual friends and managing to view his public profile.. I do indeed remember him.

Not only do I discover that he died on the 28th April - but I can surmise that he took his own life.

I am left with this sickening feeling in my gut. Tears that will not subside. And this for a 32 year old boy that I really did not know.

His facebook wall is adorned with pictures. Condolences. Fond memories. Happy smiles. Upbeat status updates. Photo albums. Adored relationships with friends. It is strange to see all these postings on his wall, when he is no longer on this earth. He will never read them. He will never know what he has left behind. Everyone is shocked and saddened by his passing, commenting that he was always there for them and brought light and life to the world. It appears noone had the slightest clue he was suffering from any sort of anguish. Stranger still is the "Add as Friend" button. For some reason, I can not take my eyes off it, nor can I close down his profile page. My heart is crying.

As someone who has lived with some form of depression and anxiety for almost 20 years, I can tell you... You are not alone. Please always reach out. Call someone. Anyone. You are never alone. Never ever think that you're alone. There is always someone there willing to listen. Willing to hold your hand. My god call/write/email/msg me - even if you don't know me.

If in need - head to Beyond Blue: www.beyondblue.org.au

Life is far to beautiful to miss. Rest in peace sweet boy. My thoughts are with your family and friends and the life you left behind.

I just need a little oxygen...

What?

... I don't know.

I am highly unmotivated today. I feel funny. I feel off. I have a headache. My eyes are heavy. I have not done a thing, and I believe that this is the cause. I feel stuck, but I'm bursting to break free.

I am cold. Tired. Can't make myself go outside, and yet I feel as though I have cabin fever. I feel paralyzed. I know that it will pass. But for the moment - I hate feeling trapped like this.

I'm getting anxious about the next few days. Work. Commitments I have made, and yet no commitments to my studies. No wonder I have to spend 40 hours of zero sleep, tying up lose academic ends.

All I have done the past week is:

eat.

read.

watch films.

No exercise. I haven't seen friends. I don't see friends anymore. I make up that I can't because I don't have the time. And yet, I don't do anything, Just sit.

And wallow.

And procrastinate.

And become increasingly unhealthy.

I see family (because I live with them). I see uni people (because I study with them - but have no connection with them). I see work colleagues (because I work with them - but have no connection with them).

I am in a muddle.

I just want this to be over. I can't wait for this to pass.

I don't know why I'm posting the above video. But it's one that I haven't listened to in years and today, I just can't seem to shake it.

Willy Mason, "Oxygen"

(look up)